I begin this blog with the distortion of Rene Descartes own famous ponder simply because I felt the urge to capture my own philosophical brainstorming and experiences towards life, specifically my own and see where I stand thus far. When I was in my teens and part of my early adult life I use to question my existentialism, who am I? Why am I here? What's in store for me? But for the most part those lingering questions were usually answered by my mother yelling "who the hell do you think you are? The Queen of England? Well you're not! Now go clean your room!"...umm, the old Dominican Parenting reality check!! Descartes, Socrates et al would have not been able to strive or survive in my household. Later in my college years out in Dominican Republic I began to question my spirituality, I recall that on my first year I struck a conversation with a young handsome kid hanging outside my campus. He had a bald shaven head, attractive wooden bead necklace and bracelet, he wore a white linen tunic which I thought then looked very "indie-chic", he began by asking me if I was happy with myself and with my life? Whoa!! Today I could answer that question so easily and in so many different ways but back then I was just a young high school grad pursuing a higher education for the first time, so my reply was "I guess" with a shrug of shoulders. He proceeded to give me a paper flyer with directions to a temple and a Hindu mantra, he sold me some incense sticks and walked away saying "Hare Krishna Hare Hare". I remember coming home, lighting the incense in my room and reading the flyer with its brief history of the Hare Krishna movement. The smell of the incense went perfect with Joplin's "Me & Bobby McGee" musical background, I think I even memorized and chanted the mantra at times, I had no intentions of shaving my head or giving up my Western world materialistic ways but somehow it felt cool to chant in a different language and not know what the hell I was saying. Well of course my brief encounter into Hindu spiritualism was short lived by my zealot Catholic mother's flare. One day storming into my room and finding a smoking incense stick and the Hare Krishna flyer she accused me of trying to burn down the house and performing witchcraft. Later on I met several people with different and eclectic views on life from every spectrum. Having been brought up Catholic I always had some trouble connecting with those of Agnostic or Atheist thinking. How could one not believe in the existence of a higher being? Somehow I refused to think we were that simple and boring, "C'mon now, there must be something or someone you believe in?" I once asked thus commencing my introduction into to Nietzsche and Freud. A then friend of very nihilistic nature suggested I read. As I grew older, wiser and less impressionable I became comfortable with the knowledge that the world was my oyster and sometimes I would have to deal with its pearls or slim but either way it was up to me to discern how to deal or overcome its encounters. In a world with so much global stress and uncertainty I have chosen to live it day by day with the firm goal of being a more productive and benign person than I was the day before. Spiritually and morally speaking I have learned that my body,mind and heart will accept, reject, outgrow or overcome any circumstance or event in due time. Sigmund Freud once described himself as being completely estranged from his father's religion or any other religion but considered himself essentially a Jew by nature with no intentions of altering such nature, from a religious point I believe I do have some Christian tendencies too embedded to be altered as Sigmund stated and I choose to believe in a God, my God, a Supreme Being or force that looks out for me and my family in times of need because the notion of none would be so inconvenient and taxing! But I too can say today that I am essentially a loyal, curious, caring and sometimes dysfunctional individual by nature with no intentions of altering my essence unless of course its for a focus project group that will pay me very well and provide great lodging…hey! I’m still a work in progress and I know I exist because I’ve got bills to pay!
