Why when it comes to Sex we are not the Weakest and the Dumbest.

The recent whirlwind of scandalous and media frenzy events have proven to me something that has always been very obviously plausible, that when it comes to sexual power and persuasion we women have the upper hand and smarts that our male counterparts lack. From biblical times, Eve persuading and ultimately convincing Adam to eat the forbidden fruit, Cleopatra seducing and enticing powerful men of her time to shower her with gifts and fight for her affection to Mata Hari, the seductive Dutch exotic dancer/courtesan that harbored many secrets of states due to the many prominent and powerful men in the military and political arena that she would bring to her bed. In the past couple of days we have seen a string of powerful and quasi intelligent men, some even Ivy-leaguers, some sportsmen and some vying for your vote some day. In a short span we have seen all these powerful men, from Elliot Spitzer, Tiger Woods, Jesse James, John Edwards, Arnold Schwarzenegger, to most recently Congressman Anthony Weiner all fall victims of what I like to call "Little Head Thinking"  yes, because all of these men in a fraction of time did not stop to consider all the serious consequences that their behaviors would put them in. I was just watching an old rerun of "Sex and the City" where the famous quartet of women were discussing the infidelity of Charlotte's new boyfriend to which Samantha retorted in her usual witty and smoldering tone.."Honey, men cheat for the same reason dogs lick their balls, because they can"..well although I am with Sam on this one I think it's more "because they can't help themselves". I am pretty sure that many of these men can deliver a speech, play an entire tournament or figure out a national budget under a hail of bullets or detonating grenades but if one gal were to flash them unexpectedly they will stumble and lose track of all thought, physical composure and sometimes reasoning. Yeah ladies, we are that powerful specially when the men we encounter are little head thinking. Yes former President Clinton came under fire for his indiscretion, but it was already rumored way back when he was Governor and running for the presidency of all of his frolicking and his womanizing streak, so of course it was logical (at least to him) that if he could get away with it then it would be easier as ruler of the free world and well, the rest is history now. A man that was capable of  commanding an entire country could not foresee a young impressionable intern gabbing off and storing away DNA on a dress from The Gap's sales rack. Former Governor Spitzer was able to fight and conquer Wall Street but needed to be reminded by a young hooker to wear a condom before the party could begin. Pretty politician John Edwards fathered an illegitimate child with his mistress and later tried to vehemently deny it while trying to run for office, umm..denial that can actively and most effectively be proven with a DNA test, oh and if that wasn't enough he also paid his campaign aide to assume the paternity of the lovechild and to run around town along with the man's own wife and the pregnant mistress hiding in hotels while he pursued his political itinerary with his ailing wife on tow. Then we have "The Gobernator" the worst of all in my humble opinion. Like Bill Mahr would say, who knew he was actually such a great actor..the ability to engage and sustain an affair with the help within the premises of his own home and a few feet away from his spouse and children is unbelievable. And although in his case he was able to get away with it for a longer time than his other political peers could, the results and the audacity of his actions could not even been excusable for Conan The Barbarian.

Lastly we have Congressman Weiner, the cyber adulterer. Anthony Weiner one of the most passionate and vocal representatives Democrats have in the house suddenly became the sexually repressed nerdy computer geek with a penchant for social networking and sexting while not even concealing his identity and occupation and sealing the deal by actually tweeting pictures, like seriously?

And that is where all the aforementioned men have gone wrong, thinking that they can get away with it based on the power they have socially,politically and financially.  The women involved in these tryst are usually not their intellectual equal, the realm covers an eclectic mix of interns, domestic workers, prostitutes, porn stars and strippers. Yes probably most of these women can not recite Voltaire or entertain a substantial conversation with their suitors but all that did not matter because at the end of the day, sex was the name of the game, where the smarter became dumber and the inconspicuously harmless object of desire suddenly became the deadly Mantis ripping off their heads along with their careers, dignity, respect and credibility right after the mating has taken place and the news has been leaked to TMZ.

Dating, Mating & Settling

The other night I started watching the new series on VH1 "Single Ladies" a hybrid of "Sex and the City" and "Girlfriends", another attempt to chronicle and capitalize on the modern woman's maidenhood with its struggles, its dilemmas and its many challenges some as dramatic and tragic as a Greek opus and others as comical and outlandish as a Lady Gaga outfit. The truth is that although many of us can relate to the stories portrayed in these shows it’s a very difficult terrain to wage specially in this day and time. Back yonder in the times of our mothers and grandmas marriage was not an option but a necessity, a woman had to secure a provider from a financial standpoint as well as for a "blood line" continuation. The phrase "bare foot and pregnant" meant bliss for many although the actual notion of standing preggers in a kitchen slaving over a hot stove for a man that couldn't even afford you shoes seems ludicrous to me. As with many generations I'm sure some women married off to their high school sweetheart, their beloved soul mate or with that distant cousin twice removed and conveniently available at the time. The rest were left to fend with the stigma of Spinstery which garnished them the option of becoming the grumpy bitter aunt with a fetish for Marlboro Reds and Solitaire or running off to the nearest convent, if no man wanted them at least there was still one man left that would never let them down or turn on them... Jesus! The ultimate redeemer.

Today women still face the same challenges but with different options, options that grant them the choices in the title above of dating, mating or settling. Let's analyze the dating scene back in the day of our female ancestors. They dealt with courtship, a much more attractive and lucrative style, the guy was required to show up with a bouquet of flowers and a box of Bom-Boms before ringing that doorbell, men were expected to impress from the first moment an inkling of interest or attraction was manifested by the damsel of choice, so women would fall for chivalry, attention to detail and Old Spice cologne. Nowadays the scenario is quite different and at times disturbing, for starters men will show up at your door empty handed and asking to use your bathroom (WTH?), they will ask you where you would like to go versus taking the initiative of making a reservation for let’s just say, the sake of an element of surprise and sometimes when you provide them the answer they either don't know what you’re talking about or the idea of eating rolls of raw fish with wooden sticks seems repulsive ergo making Nobu out of the question, so you decide to allow them to impress you with their own selection and insight and somehow you either end up in a loud sports bar or  at Hooters. Normally this modern version of courtship called dating will not end well because its foundation is shaky to begin with, the difference between then and now is that your date back then would've eaten an Eel roll even if he had to fight back his gag reflex just to impress you so. The courtship was about you and all you had to do was show up and look good the rest was covered. Nowadays we so often let dates who are basically just good looking or attractive strangers dictate what is suppose to be our "time", in the midst of our confusion and indecision we fall victim of a tolerance that later on will become annoyance and frustration and possibly warrant the change of your cell phone number.

Moving on to the topic of Mating  again lets time-travel back to the days of our ancestors, mating was normally a duty that was part of the marriage package, procreational mating was so essential that back then many men would leave or divorce their spouses if these could not bore a child because mating more than a nature call was the continuation of a lineage or name, wives were meant to be mothers not lovers.

Fortunately today we have an upper hand on the ladies that came before us, mating is our choice and thanks to feminist and sexual liberation movements we can make the decision of whether we keep the Stallion or dump the Ass (no pun intended).

Speaking of Stallions, I once had a boss who was into horses; he owned his own stable and a couple of thoroughbreds. He told me a story or tale which till this day I don’t know if it’s factual or not as my extent of equine knowledge is limited. He said that Stallions could roam the pastures and mate with different Mares but would always be attached to a “main Mare” whom they would stick by and protect.  He told me about how he would take this one Stallion away from his main Mare to bring into another stable and mate with another Mare and after the mating would take place the horse would neigh and jump up and down until taken back to his four-legged lady love, he cited this anecdote as the prelude to why men could never be integrally faithful creatures but yet sentimentally attached to one person much like the stallion that can easily mate with many different mares but can not spend the night in another stable. It’s nature my dear he said to me, men mate often but women mate stronger!

The truth is that in today’s world mating or sexual relations can take many shapes or forms, that range from genuine love-making to the infamous “booty call” or one night stand. The parties involved in any of the aforementioned dynamics will be the ones to determine the validity or success of this essential part of dating. Many women can look back and name their best lover and the love of their lives, often being both the same person or sometimes not. 

Finally we come to Settling, a term so scary for many and complacent for others. At family gatherings and parties you may hear the nosy relative that yelps out “so when are you settling down?” as if you were some sort of emotionally impaired traveling circus who refuses to nail your carp down and settle with that one clown.  Settling should not be an option but a reward to both men and women. We should be able to settle with that one person that fills our heart and head with all the right feelings and notions, whether we choose to legally wed or simply live in sin with a joint mortgage. What I have learned through out my own experiences is that one should never date, mate or settle with a person that can not appreciate and respect your innate femininity, intellect and body.  At the end of the day it will be your own self-fulfillment as an individual that will complement your success in life, a feeling that not even wild non-monogamous horses can drag out of you.